IN HER THOUGHTS

I never thought it could be me; My heart dropped, I couldn't breath Everything froze, I could hear voices from a distance I fell down five feet where only my thoughts -re grets and shame haunted me more than the thought it was me I promised myself as a little girl, grow up and always take care of yourself Was so blameless, it seemed attainable for a girl that was driven by goals Or was it stubbornness that I had to be better Abounded at 2, I promised myself I will never need my oppressors That I will never confirm their vile thoughts against me That I had the willpower to write my own story Now years later all I have is tears of regret, replaying scenarios of how I could have done it better. The next thing I remember  I was gasping for air as if my life depended on it My sheets drenched in a pool of sweat, my crooked lips parted with a shout for help That's when I realised it was only a dream I promised myself this particular dream I will never make it come to true.

I’m staring at this page It’s been a while I divorced the mirror I can’t stand the view It confronts me And that’s a no. I see an image A reflection of living on the edge Pain at the tip of my eyes Tired of holding this river Heavy on demons Being strong but broken inside Ouch, it hurts right now. Nobody knows my pain But I have one more fight. So… Lend me your smile, days are gone I know not mine Lend me your height, I’ve heard everything looks good from a birds view Spirits high, a scenic view of highs Not the marijuana high, but a hopeful view undiluted by lows I want to be high all the time, please lend me your height for this climb. Today it hurts, but the sun will rise and we will try again.

📸shubilak If I Stay would you hold me like the first time, Filled with assurance and words pregnant with emotions Only our hearts know, Every heartbeat, a love song. A safe haven in your arms. If I stay would you hold me like you used to, Where you did all you could, Effort was your middle name, Words of affirmation were in your vocabulary, Acts of service your daily workout to burn out the anxiety and negativity. If I stay would you finish your sentences, Use all syllables in your words to show you're here, The shorthand always feels like it's rushed, Would you make me your main plan, Not the 'Oh sorry, I was about to', 'I'm so busy right now' or 'What if we do it tomorrow?' last minute texts. If I stay would you be more intentional and not get too comfortable, Care a little bit more about my day and dreams, It's all in the little things, But they varnished with the sunsets, And present new dilemmas as the sun rose,

📸the.photographers.official Smothered in the cocoon of ignorance “Sssh…close your eyes listen to my voice”, Ignorance told her… She felt his panting breath on her lips; His calloused palm tenderly caressed; Over her voluptuous body. Rectitude ebbed as lust annexed; Thoughts never crawled to the section of  her mind you dwelled; Sexual desires at that moment reigned supreme; Being in his arms brought her comfort and ease. Body to body in abys of desire; Locked in his soul, nothing felt better; Two souls intertwined; His passion in her open starving bowels; Erratic heartbeats skipping, no pause; Desires of my silken treasure had been fed. Through the haze of pleasure – guilt glanced; Lost in the fog of doubt and regret; Self-inflicted, she felt twisted; What have I done!?