Posts

Showing posts from July, 2020

The Monsters In My Head

Image
📸AfroBloggers  For someone who has been floating, spread my wings and fly… The fall is hard, deep into a hole that I had last dug myself out of! The drop down has been long coming, it feels more like a dejavu actually. Like it has happened before and I’m now just reliving the moment. I just can’t stop falling. Deeper and deeper my body is falling me, my mind is beaten down, any attempt feels unbearable. For once my body and mind agrees on something. It feels like I’m sitting at the edge of the wall in an empty room, window shut with a chipped corner. Out of it rays of sunlight cuts the room in halves making a rainbow diamond on the floor. When it’s dark the hues of trees turn into monsters dancing at the rhythm of my pain. As if part of the natural clock, it’s scary from the inside and even scarier from the outside. Anxiety beckons me to sit, a revival of my solitude. Even if I only rest here, a kiss of cold air from societal expectations, reje

25 ON 25!

Image
Guess who turned 25 on the 25th😊 Being 25 from this part of the world is a pain. A mixed ball of misconceptions, when I think of 25, Winky D’s song plays at the back of my mind. If you haven't listened to it click  here , it's a jam we can't take that away from it, in short it’s a woe of all  the expectations we’re burdened to have, of visible achievements put against our whole existence. It’s a supposed mark, a demarcation of what you should have done or have in your life. Honestly as my birthday knocked on my door that question stroked me uncomfortable, I’m sure I’m not the only one who shares the same sentiments. Instead of celebrating life, it became a scare of the clock ticking and feelings of running out of time. Maybe, just maybe the intensity varies from one person to the other.  “What do you have to show for it?”  The society has some very wrong-headed ideas about what constitutes success. My question is, we are so different, we’ve different backgrou

Framed Generation!

Image
Judge: You being charged with counts of lazyness, entitlement, changing jobs like shoes, adrenaline filled junkies and a generation of no hope. How do you plead? Plea : Thank you your Honour for this opportunity. Firstly I feel like we surrounded by a glitter border; Looks good from the outside looking in, but all it is confinement in our thinking, ideas and entire existence; Of rules and expectations passed on from generation to generation; Stick to the know, a yearn for more is rebellion; A generation framed by our forefathers; constantly paying for their sins; Where corruption, violation of freedom of speech, graduates begging by the roadside and violation of human rights have been normalised; A curse of through painful toil we eat food from it the rest of our lives. Hands to mouth, hands to mouth, a routine we've only known; They ate the sour fruits, played with fire, gorged into our trust funds only for us to be called lazy and free spirits. Millenni

Sunsets and Sunrise| Mother Nature's Call To Begin!

Image
📸the.photographers.official When I think of sunset and sunrise, the word “begin” comes to my mind. They allow everyone get in touch with themselves, night owl or early riser, the moment where the sun meets the horizon signifies a beginning: for a new day, new ideas, new beginnings, new perspective or put anything that pops up when you think of sunset or sunrise. Some days I’m an early riser, the cool breeze whispers positivity into my ears and the glow of the sun defines my melanin and the lines on my cheekbones.  But there’re days, I dwell on situations for reflections filled with questions. What lessons should I walk away with, for future’s sake I would tell myself? If I’m being honest I’m more active during the night by choice and during the day by design. Sunrise or Sunset? What would you choose? Honestly, it’s a hard choice. Yes? No? Probably I’m a sucker for nature, Or what they signify in their depths But they’re both a beginning for me

What Have I Done?

Image
📸the.photographers.official Smothered in the cocoon of ignorance “Sssh…close your eyes listen to my voice”, Ignorance told her… She felt his panting breath on her lips; His calloused palm tenderly caressed; Over her voluptuous body. Rectitude ebbed as lust annexed; Thoughts never crawled to the section of  her mind you dwelled; Sexual desires at that moment reigned supreme; Being in his arms brought her comfort and ease. Body to body in abys of desire; Locked in his soul, nothing felt better; Two souls intertwined; His passion in her open starving bowels; Erratic heartbeats skipping, no pause; Desires of my silken treasure had been fed. Through the haze of pleasure – guilt glanced; Lost in the fog of doubt and regret; Self-inflicted, she felt twisted; What have I done!?

Of Entanglements| When Is The Right Time To Walk Away?

Image
📸 Joecalih If you had asked the teenage me if I would ever walk away if there’s the slightest chance of failure and rejection in everything. I would have said a Hell No , I wouldn’t even try to make sense of it but do my best. I always lived on a philosophy of NEVER GIVE UP, PLAY YOUR PART AND GIVE YOUR BEST WHILST AT IT. Not bad right? But I didn’t lay out a mind map on the pros and cons, most importantly when is the right time to walk away and go invest somewhere else? Well, a few heartbreaks, failed projects and waste of my time later. It is good to know when to pack your bags and walk! If walls could talk, I wonder how they would respond to me when I subconsciously respond out loud to texts. I bet they've heard most people’s honest intentions, thoughts and responses before they’re watered down by ‘ haha's ’ and emojis. As if it was a sign I came across a tweet which read, “My toxic trait is feeling unwanted and removing myself first so I never feel rejected

When The Lights Are Out...

Image
📸photographers_worldwide I lay here deep in my thoughts, one thought clings at the edge of my mind and I just can't seem to shush it away; Delve in deeper it called, it seemed too vivid as I stepped in what seemed like a brain bingo game; The winning word was DEJAVU , I shouted with much enthusiasm BINGO; Now I had won, it was time to dissect and explore; Suddenly it fed into a monologue... Left Brain: It's crazy how we are unique in our similarity. Some are poor, some are rich. Right Brain: Some are realist, some are creative. Both: Surrounded by things that make us better and things that make us hurt. A moment of bliss when all come to sync  (fading voice) A rare moment we yearn...  Heart and head, logic and emotions, love and hate. You can't control how people receive your energy. Just because you're breaking your back, cracking your head or pouring your heart; you can't control how people receive your energy. Of course, you will

Be Straight Up With Me Or Walk!

Image
📸the.photographer.official Have you ever met people who are just not truthful? From the smallest things, like what’s your plan really? Even the simplest question like, what do you do for fun? I don’t know whether it’s the need to impress or insecurity that my answer won’t measure up to the next person’s expectations? At first, it gave me chills, not the warm fuzzy goosebumps but the cringe that literally gives one an upset stomach. I was filled with so many questions, still is, and the reason why I’m writing about it. My mind screams, my face frowns and my whole being escapes me, I can’t handle hearing people deprive themselves of their true self. What for? Is it really worth it? Many things are avoidable. Literally everything, everyone has a privilege of choice. This is what it’s like every time everyone chose to lie and not be straight up. This is what it’s like living with lies on your tongue, it’s a choice. It all comes down to choice or it's the demons one is battling with

Dating Someone Who Knows Your Mental Health Is Everything Part 2

Image
📸prettisusu It’s been a minute, last time we discussed about how it’s important to know where your partner stands in terms of them being aware of their mental stability. I reckon it’s a must, it saves a lot of surprises and frustrations because you know who you dealing with. If you haven’t read the article click here , so we are on the same page. I have in a fair share of relationships and it has been a hard journey of knowing how to show up for my partner/friends/family in ways they need me to vs ways I’m comfortable with. It was so easy for me to commit to a routine that was came easy to me like responding fast or make them laugh but I realized sometimes a person just wants you to listen or give them full attention, to feel your presence with no distractions. Hence, this article, please show up for people in your life in ways they need. So what am I saying? Let me explain. Just show up and pay attention to what your partner actually needs. Don’t assume, don’t generalize we are all u

I Never Promised Perfect...

Image
I never promised you perfect; I'm flawed, I sometimes snort when I laugh; I sometimes can't pronounce some words & other words I don't even try at all; I'm a burning furnace, the smallest things make me erupt; I get annoyed quickly, I lose interest slowly. Stretch marks are embodied paintings plastered on my body, with cellulite to complement the defined lines; I get scared of what tommorow holds, anxious for nothing and doubt myself all the time; So when I ask how my dress is or do you like this color remember this... I never promised perfect. I caress my chin as if I've a beard when I'm lost in my thoughts; Don't be weirded out or feel intimidated when stare you straight into your eyes; I'm only trying to get know your soul; I can be a whole lot, competitive and too focused; But in a split second when the tide of doubt hits I can be lazy and lack substance; Not all my decisions are well thought out, It is just this imperfect soul ta

No Offence, But If There Are No Boundaries Count Me Out!

Image
I have noticed something about my working relations and preferences. As much as I love a job or it pays well, if there are no boundaries or explicit rules I tend to lose interest. I go from a 100 to 0 real quick.  Like it or not, human beings in general need some form of stern hand to maintain boundaries or yet alone to avoid people from being too comfortable. Without rules the world would be chaotic, rules simply create order out of chaos. Ever asked yourself why we have so many rules? In fact why do we have to follow any rules at all? Imagine a world where you can do whatever you want and whenever you want. Although you might be free and the absence of rules sounds thrilling, it’s a beautiful canvas of chaos. I was reading an article, this analogy confirmed my thoughts, “When you drive, you’ll realize how many rules apply to the act of operating a vehicle. You can’t go as fast, park as want or just change lanes.” Imagine if everyone on the road drove like the mushika mushika  (taxi