Working & Keeping Sane: Lessons and A Few Regrets!

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I have been binge-watching “the Bold Type” a series based on three best friends who work together. They knew each other’s hopes, dreams and support each other through personal and professional lives. It is really dreamy and I have been glued on it since one of my friends recommended it! It really nudged me to introspect on my year and how unfortunate that’s just TV, most real-life work environments are far from a perfect picture of a movie script. Sure, we may get along with our co-workers or bosses. It’s easy to get into the “we are a one big family mentality” And sing Kumbaya! But always every family has a one or a few bad apples that spoils everyone!

We are all competitive or groomed to believe the next person is a threat. It’s naïve to pretend that’s not true.  Being part of something is tempting, we spend most of our time at work anyway. Being happy and creating a conducive environment makes a difference in everyone’s overall mental health. I definitely recommend it. Ultimately, we, however, cross the lines and tend to overshare about personal lives and opinions. Open doors are not really open. Feedback = attack and potential = threat. Once one’s interest is at risk the dynamics change. As humans, especially in the African setup where a formal job is a privilege we are always competing for promotions, favours and recognition.

Co-workers/HR/Boss are not your friends. If the opportunity arises, they serve their best interest.  I'm sure one way or the other we have learned never to discuss anything personal with anyone on your job. If it’s not general, everyday topics/knowledge avoid it. When things go bad your business becomes everybody’s tea. I have adopted one principle I live by, "Do my job, make that money, go home and repeat."  Why? I have seen people turn into the “Office Hoe” or “People Pleaser” in the name of fitting in. Remember that you want people to respect you, and perspective matters. Once they see your patterns that how they will always see you. 

You may feel inclined to act a certain way to fit into the company culture and make friends. But real, honest friends form when you are yourself not pretending to be someone else. Always act professional, respect is earned not bought. You need to set boundaries to stay true and keep sane! Because here's what they don't tell you, the work environment it's always a tug of war, a battle of fittest. There's need to draw the line to stay sane!

Here are some interesting fellows I have met along my journey. You are welcome to add to the list in the comment section!

• Subtle Backstabber: They are the most dangerous from the bunch. Remember John or Mary who acts like your best friend but they are far from it. They basically source information from you to leverage favours from your superiors. Why? Because the person’s goal is to get ahead of anyone else with any means necessary, and if the chance comes, they would use you as the sacrificial lamb and stepping stone.

• Non-So-Subtle Backstabber: This one everyone already knows they run their mouth. This person already has a reputation when you start a job. People even warn you not to share information with them, they are like your annoying young brother who always tells on you to your parents about our day, essentially your entire existence. 

• Gossip Girls/Guys: If they can share information about someone to you, they sure can return the favour when it’s about you. Don’t be fooled they share everyone’s secrets there is no exception.

• One-Upper: Ever dealt with a co-worker who always attempts to prove that they are better than you. Yes, you are not alone. It’s like a tug of war, whatever you do or suggest they always blurt out something to prove the point that they have more ideas or time.

• Office Hoe (People Pleaser): The desire to be liked by bosses that means more work or personal inconvenience. They hardly say ‘No’

Experiences are different, it’s very possible to have different outcomes from the same environment. However, patterns never lie, pay attention to them. Honestly, when going into the work environment it should come with a big ass sign, “TRADE CAREFULLY! DO YOUR JOB FIRST, SOCIALIZE SECOND."