Never Again, I am Not A Cool Girl!
That is
where I draw the line, I will never be a cool girlfriend, relative or colleague
either.
Been
there, done that… I answered every whim, going above and beyond what I was
asked for. I was a typical COOL go-to-person. The one that fed on claims of
being mature. At that point what phased normal girls somehow did not strike a
nerve. Or so I thought? Rather I had signed myself up to a prolonged excruciating
death, leaving myself dead inside to an extent that my cup ran empty and there was
not much to give anymore.
We don’t
say this enough but being understanding can be daunting. Everyone has the right
to be seen, represented and valued. Hear me out, I am not saying, being
understanding proves a lack of these mentioned. But we can only take it far
until we start short-changing ourselves in the name of being that cool friend
or partner that let things slide. Or rather who doesn’t overthink or as it is
loosely used (asingadhipise) in Shona colloquial.
Sometimes,
it can be difficult to put yourself first and sometimes agreeing is a safer
option than confrontation. Often when people are used to getting their way, you
owning up falls in the same basket as giving an Attitude,
Lashing-Out or Throwing a Tantrum. It takes self-awareness and courage to
avoid falling into the rabbit hole of constantly walking on a tightrope. As
you will be literally carrying the relationship on your back, doing all the
companionship heavy lifting, listening to every grievance, being understanding,
sacrificing your sense of self.
Speak Up! Your voice is your way out…
Self-care tips to putting yourself first
- Add NO to your vocabulary and lifestyle.
- Be TRUE to yourself, stop being a people pleaser or try to fit in at your expense.
- Set HEALTHY boundaries, identify what needs to change and intentionally enforce it.
- Stop making EXCUSES for them, the inner voice can be loud but you need to take charge.
- Spend time to know yourself and what makes you happy.
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