IN HER THOUGHTS

De'Andre Bush Even when I receive hatred in the guise of love, I welcome it. My lowliness convinces me that is more than enough. Maybe if I loved the man in the mirror, me, I would find love fulfilling. Have you ever wondered how people are in love, but it is never you? Why they do not love back and are difficult to love? I know it is wrong and questionable, but I cannot help to wonder. Why do they receive affection and emotion when they have corrupt souls or no soul at all. Have you ever felt like this before? You look at yourself and convince yourself that it should be me in their position to receive the passion, infatuation, and romance for you are a better or less sinful human being. Then you find yourself not receiving the love from whoever you lust or desire it from and fail to even receive love from yourself.  You fell in too deep into the narrative it should be and create unrealistic expectations. In the end, you subject yourself to a reality where you cannot receive love f

Julian Myles Loyalty is one of the characteristics that tops everyone's list for someone to have within a relationship. It is an act of freedom where you choose who and what to give your commitment, respect, and affection. Unfortunately, it has become increasingly harder to differentiate between being loyal and taking unlimited, unnecessary pain.  Loyalty is a fascinating, profound concept that goes way beyond trust. But have you ever wondered, "Am I loyal to a fault in my relationships?" Before you can be firmly respectful towards others, you have to respect yourself. People believe that being loyal applies to other people or never being unfaithful to your partner. It means so much more than that - it means being true to yourself, a team player, being there in the best way you can and standing by your love. And never take advantage of the relationship.  Read the last paragraph, never taking advantage of the relationship! It goes both ways in all relationships at work, fr

Have you ever sat down, looked at yourself in amazement and disgust at the same time? Feeling awful about yourself and wondering how you became what you are now. When some time back, you despised your current state of mind and attitude. Then you eventually became a monster unknowingly even though you felt the change within. Looking deep into yourself and realizing all there is an abyss of void. You convince yourself to trade the abys for darkening your depression, creating a monster. Now you ask yourself “Was I meant to become a monster, or I am one?” I believe at some point I used to have human affection, emotions and feelings. Or maybe I thought I did. I think I used to love till I realized it was mediocre infatuation. Even if I loved, I am now aware that I would have passionately consumed the ones I love with hatred for I was gradually becoming a monster. I became an internal monster to myself, then an external monster to those who surround me.  “Love thy neighbour as you love thyse

Everything we do or say is a statement of ourselves to the world. It is a manifestation of self. Wasting a moment is not an option or taking action without reason behind it. The attention to yourself and the detail of your surroundings should be impeccable. Do you ever observe yourself for a day and ask the tough questions. Why do you do things the way you do? Is there a logic, an order to it? If there is not, what is its purpose? Finding purpose is key to finding satisfaction and know that you are doing all that you can to get where you want to go. Everything we do is a statement. So next time, remember to make sure there is logic behind every single action. It gives everything a purpose. It is the key to finding value and satisfaction in our lives. By looking at what you do and why you do it, you become more aware of yourself. Yes, input from friends or family can be phenomenal, but often we rely too heavily on our friends or family when making decisions. Before we know it, we do n

  sometimes  leadership hurts us serve and protect  the solemn oath,  holding the touch being the light for others, being the change unfortunately, there is no change without loss  the narrative 'if you're not hurting you are not  a leader' puts unrealistic  expectations, to sacrifice yourself, your time,   and well being for decisions to be criticised and judged,  no one likes you yet you're breaking  your back for them I used to think knowledge was power but no one told me knowledge come at a cost you have no right to cry or feel, you've to be the light even when you're  travelling in a dark tunnel,  that's the curse of power. Photo Creative Prompt.

   The struggle with anxiety can be raw, scary, and debilitating. Panic, worry, darkness closing on you and having a little voice inside your head  telling you of what could go wrong and how it is all your fault.    Anxiety is both a mental and physical state of negative expectation. Mentally it is characterized by increased arousal and apprehension tortured into distressing worry and physically by unpleasant activation of multiple body systems—all to facilitate response to an unknown danger, whether real or imagined. - Psychology Today It is an internal battle, and not everyone knows what is going on in your head. You would be thinking, can you not hear my silent screams? So loud they echo in your dreams. My experience with anxiety had a great deal to do with feelings of not being good enough or making the cut. I fear waking up and thinking of all the things that could wrong. I fear I would never be a good enough daughter, sister, friend, partner, writer, and so much more. Anxiety con

I do not know why we have this thing between us. A forbidden union, ugly & engorged. Hidden deep within Your tongue plated with silver whispers sweet things in my ear Adorn me with words & phrases that brings me comfort in my conformity. Giving my ego that deep-tissue massage entering into ecstasy of security within a group Where I trade my autonomy for company  Applaud me and give me a standing ovation Treats me like the best show he has ever seen We have been back, back, and forth, and forth He has shown me the shortcuts, a temporary happiness There is even denial that it exists But we just let it play it out The company keeps me warm But lately I have been feeling lonely  I yearn to walk the room and still be myself Be confident and relinquish fear of acceptance But I will not stop if do not as well We have to part ways, I have met adaptability I really needed somebody, and adaptability gave me a taste of my worth I have come to know I do not have to trade  myself Having a v