Is This How Everything Ends?

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It's almost 7 AM but right now I don't really care. In fact, the clamour as boys rush to finish up and head to class is most irritating to me.

My tummy grumbles. I don't recall when I last put something in it. For the past three days, my appetite has been shite. Yesterday I tried the fries Ian brought me but threw them up almost as soon as they landed in my tummy.

"Hey man, you need to get out of bed," Ian says. "Class starts in a jiffy."

"I'm not attending." 

To be honest, the class is the last thing on my mind. 

I'm thinking of the tiny blue pills the school doctor gave me for my condition. After which he recommended bed rest since they'd leave me feeling drowsy. Apparently, there's nothing much wrong with me. And that I should simply sleep my trouble off. 

"This will be the third day in a row." Ian has a worried look. "Don't you think you should go home instead?" 

Ian seems to speak from miles away. His words slowly drift to my ears like I'm in an unending trance. I hate school. I hate myself. I hate everything. And yet, I can't put a finger to what really ails me. I think I should get home for a while. Perhaps talk to mom or my pastor.  They've always stood with me in prayer. And it has always helped. There's a soothing feeling that envelopes me whenever I take my troubles to the Creator. 

The voice in my head returns. It's louder this time. Yesterday but one, it said I should take all the eight pills at once. What if I want to silence the voice, that's all it would take. I know that would be totally cuckoo and yet the idea doesn't seem so far fetched. If this is what it takes to be free at last, then perhaps it's not that bad a thing. 

Right away something seems to take a hold of my faculties. My hand fumbles below my pillow and it returns with the pack of pills.  

The dormitory is almost empty now. Even Ian has gone to class. He said he'd check on me at break time and if I'm not better, he'll have nothing but to help me go home. 

My hand now full with blue pills rises and I upend its contents into my mouth. I reach for the water bottle on the metallic box and drink. And then lie back on my bed.

Soon enough the room starts spinning. Madly. It feels as though I'm sinking into a dark dark abyss. And then all goes plump black.

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