Of Heaven-Sent Friends or Whatever….

📸Houcine Ncib 

And if they ask me what heaven looks like, I will tell them that heaven – my heaven is a semi sweet bottle of Lambrusco with you after a busy Friday at work. My heaven is chicken wings and pork ribs for breakfast. My heaven is in lending you a hand, an ear, a shoulder, heck it’s in giving you a kidney if you are to ever need one. My heaven is here, my heaven was here, my heaven was passionate, she was profound and powerful, my heaven was in the way we could have full conversations without speaking a word, it was in you making me laugh.

They say that every time God yawns, a star is born into the night sky, every time he sneezes a miracle takes place. You were all of that to me – a miracle, a star so bright you blinded me of my imperfections. You did your very best to hide my imperfections from the world, to protect me from the bullies, to seal the cracks in my boat and create a heaven for me here on earth. You showed me the beauty within the beast that I was, you taught me to speak in languages that cannot be communicated through words. They say if you truly want to know yourself, look at your five closest friends because you are a reflection of the people you spend most of your time with. You, your smile, your companionship, your courage and all the kindness that oozed out of your skin were the five closest friends I ever needed. You taught me the importance of having friends with benefits because well – if they are not adding to your life then they are subtraction from it.

I cannot remember of a time we were not friends, of a time we decided to be friends. They say every great friendship starts with a when I saw you, I thought you were a bitch!.  Maybe, just maybe that’s why ours didn’t end up so great because when I first saw you, I thought you were the best thing between the heavens and the soil of this earth. Before I met you, I was surviving but you taught me to experience life, to taste every breath and soul kiss every moment. You taught me kindness and true friendship, you taught me to bare my soul and empty it out to you without ever having the desire of baring our bodies. You made jokes of how you were woman enough to be the best man at my wedding.  ‘’I could call you my soul mate, but then that might curse you and get you attached to me for the rest of our lives’’ you used to say. Looking back at it now, I do miss my best friend, I do wish you had cursed me with such a blessing.  

But instead, you left or was it me that walked away? – conversations were replaced by blueticks, smiles by emojis, friendship with strangers that share memories. I am not sure of how we got here, of how we stopped trying, of how we have nothing more to say to each other. Maybe you were my friend for a reason, for a season, for reasons that no longer exist. Maybe the world changed, and I remained the same, maybe I was just a love letter to you. I was someone that was meant to show you that you deserve to be loved, someone to show you the way you are meant to be loved, to be taken care of but somewhere out there is the author of the letter waiting for you.

I did try to reach out to you once, but you made a meal out of my dreams, you poured BBQ sauce on my efforts and eat my hopes up. I don’t know if I should laugh or cry, if I should hate you or wish you well, if you were heaven sent or whatever but for now – I do think of you sometimes and wish our past could be part of your future. And if you by some miracle, are reading this I just wanted to say ‘’please return back my mom’s lunch box and my John Grisham novel you borrowed’’.

 

‘’Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy’’ – Proverbs 27:6

You can find more exquisite work by Nashe on Tribe Afrika 263.