I Forgot How To Feel| A Mental Health Series.

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Not everyone finds expressing themselves easy. In many cases, people block / repress their emotions, by unconsciously avoiding them. I’m that person, expressing myself just doesn’t natural to me. Let’s say I have a fall out with anyone but I still have other responsibilities, I usually decide to suppress or push aside the feelings and act like nothing happened. Toxic much? Yes, the thing is that it doesn’t mean the feelings simply disappear but sooner rather than later they’ll need to be addressed.

I was researching and I might have to find the answer, repressed emotions can eventually affect your mood. The reason might be prolonged emotions are eventually affecting your mood. For me sometimes I vacillate between two emotions. I feel trapped in a conflicting emotional state, I can be eager and excited to write, while at the same time harbouring fears about not being able to complete it successfully. So every time I hit the publish button I would have fought a battle of conflicting emotions. Basically, positives are counterbalanced by a strong, unshakeable need to protect me from rejection, failure or loss.

Blocking your emotions and not feeling them through can also factor in mental health conditions such as stress, anxiety and depression. One unresolved emotion can have some significant health consequences. Psychologists make distinctions between ‘mood’ and ‘emotions’. 

Emotions are short lived but intense, they’ve a definite and identifiable cause. 

A mood is longer lasting and it’s difficult to identify the specific cause.

One safe generalization is the emotions have been prolonged physiological sensations (sweating palms or racing heart) turned to feelings. Physiology simply relates to how living organisms or bodily part functions.  So automatically when a situation poses a threat, these physiological responses prepare your body to flee from danger or face the threat head-on, and in my case, I voluntarily choose the latter. My own experience ranges from mild annoyance, total avoidance or numbness. The feeling part I’ve been suppressing – leaving me feeling blank, a strange numbness from within. I forgot how to feel.

What are the traits of people with repressed emotions?

Signs show up in your feelings or your behaviour – both toward yourself and people around you. Here are some traits of people with repressed emotions:

Conflict Phobia: You’re afraid of feelings of anger or conflict. I remember growing up I would just agree or take the blame to avoid an argument. We’re groomed with a belief that disclosing our thoughts and feelings to those you care about would result in rejection. Remember how when you would respond to your Mom and it would be a big deal but even when you don’t you would get in trouble anyway. Those were our early defining moments.

Emotional Perfectionist: You think you should always be in control of your emotions and rational. You don’t want to seem weak or vulnerable so you avoid any emotions that bring up those feelings. The boy child in our African culture and firstborns are given this burden, to be strong and any sign of emotions is seen as weakness. Now they struggle with expressing their feelings of anger and being vulnerable, so they would rather not talk than to be vulnerable.

Fear of disapproval and rejection: Letting out your feelings is depended on the chances of rejection. If there’s any chance, you swallow your feelings and expressing thoughts to avoid disapproval. Do you remember when we were young, you’d get bullied and get home crying only to be reproved. Even though it was just means of making you stand up for yourself, growing up you choose to repress emotions to avoid disapproval of your emotions because that’s all you know.  

Mind reading: You believe others should know how you feel and what you need. If you ever asked yourself, “can’t they see I’m hurting me” you belong in this category.  Most people feel hurt and outraged when their innermost, unexpressed thoughts go unheard. Growing up do you remember when your parents would say something without actually saying it, and somehow the expected you to pick up hints, innuendos and veiled messages.

You simply forget how to feel!