Love Is An Action Verb, Show Don't Tell!

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Love is a beautiful thing. Is it a state of being or a feeling? When people say they have fallen out of love, does it mean it fades away? Or maybe it's a state of being that stays inside of us, that needs to be fed, nurtured and realized it lives within us? Excuse me and my crazy thoughts, it's a mixture of insomnia and other times I swear it feels like I've been stung by a tsetse fly which makes me drowsy and my bed is my escape, for hours a temporary relief. So when you say "I love you" to your partner, friend or family what does it entail. I've seen videos that align love with words like sacrifice, compassion, respect, patience, kind, selfless etc. You know the rest. Then I thought maybe it's something that's a work in progress and it takes you and me to cultivate it. Teamwork makes the dream work! And for sure after labouring it bears good harvest, so love is fruits of your labour.

It's not all roses and petals all the time, there are times where you just like them enough to stick around. In Chris Rock's words, "When you are in a relationship, you are in a band. And when you are in a band there are roles to play. Sometimes you sing lead and sometimes you are on tambourine. And if you are the tambourine, play it right." It takes two to tango. We hear a lot about self-love, love at first sight, true love and all other kinds of love. Do I believe there's such a thing as love at first sight, probably NOT? It usually isn't mutual, it's rather a strong pull or attraction that has the possibility of turning out into a relationship. Sometimes it works out and sometimes it fizzles out. Self-love, on the other hand, is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological and spiritual growth. The scriptures explain love as self-sacrificing love, "Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with action and truth." By now you must be thinking it's another one of the rants, but hear me out the key is in actions.

I've recently learnt that we create these unrealistic ideal love, long lists and expectations in relationships. Mind me I said expectations, not values. You still need to have values, unfortunately, we've traded lists over values and expectations over service. It's more of "I" not "We". For generation like ours love is now a skill that we must laboriously learn. Creating the love you dream of takes more than just attraction and a feeling, it means doing the shadow work. Healing yourself from the past traumas life can throw at us, opening your heart to healthy love and trust, at the end give it back with both feet in. Love is an action word, be patient with yourself. You can't dictate how, when and where love expresses itself. It doesn't come with conditions, stipulations or codes. You know its love when you give someone a map to your heart, imperfections and putting faith they won't abuse it. So don't rush. Don't force. Don't get in the way. 

Falling in love is one thing, and staying in that state of being is another thing. I asked my TL how do people stay in love and here is what people had to say:

Thank you for being In Her Thoughts. The question is what is love and how do people stay in love? Share your thoughts in the comment section.