Maybe The Reason Why You’re Single Is Because You’re 'One Of The Guys’

📸the.photographers.official 

I’m a girl who has always been one of the guys, but also very much a girl; I don't really blend perfectly into either sides. Sounds familiar? Welcome to the club. I remember growing up, I would pick soccer or wrestling over playing with dolls. Hanging with the guys over girls. I still choose sweat pants and t-shirts over dresses. It’s apparently thought as unladylike in most parts of the world or rather a glorified brainwash to instil gender roles. After a couple of family interventions, a wardrobe revamp and shipping off to college I slowly embraced it. Because unfortunately the, ‘She will grow out of it’ seemed like it was never going to happen.

The good thing about having guy friends is there are a bunch of perks, free 24/7 bodyguards on duty, a glimpse into the not so complicated mind of guys and less drama etc. However, too much of something can take a toll on how you look at things. ‘She is such a guy’ I have heard it a couple of times. The labels start and they are engraved by society from a young age. If you run with the guys, you are either the guy’s girl, a tomboy, a misfit, a slut, a tease or a relationship wrecker. There’s no in-between you are on either sides.

People always confuse you as a wrecker, a girl all women loathe or the guy’s girl. You are for one assumed to have an ulterior motive by the ladies, or guys exalt you to be the cool girl that one of the guys is with.  It's never like that, for most of us guy friends slowly become brothers in our eyes however the next fine brother we've been checking sees a 1 in 5 chances of your potential boyfriend in them. So maybe just maybe the reason why you are single is that you are one of the guys! Imagine how being confined to these labels can make one claustrophobic love life. Here are my therioes:

Theory 1

The bond is deep and entirely platonic. You grow a thick skin but not always the decency line can be drawn. On the other hand, the world will be on the sidelines chanting, ‘girls and guys can never be just friends’. Literally, everything literally is working against you, you look at relationships differently and because you are so comfortable with the guys you just don’t know when to be the lady in a relationship. As much we ladies want a macho men, men also tend to like soft and feminine women. Research has shown over and over again – feminine attracts masculine. If you want that hot-shot alpha male in your life, you need to keep that in mind. It’s those things like your posture, grooming skills, responsiveness etc that are important. This doesn’t mean vulnerability equals weakness. No girl! So maybe you CAN reach that bowl on the top of the shelf in your kitchen. C'mon girl let him do it. Allow him to feel masculine.

Theory 2

Dating usually doesn’t go anywhere, you become every guy’s confidant, and not one guy’s everything. Are you always on the fence most of the time, unsure if you are heading into a romantic relationship or not? This one is for you, sometimes knowing too much can be your poison. I’ve experienced the frustration of serving as a man’s go-to shoulder for all things love related and yet never being the person he’s in love with. The dark side, is the cues, holding hands and telling you: ‘I don’t know what I would do without you, you are the best’ but after all that he heads back to his girlfriend or crush. It’s a common struggle for all girls – but it’s a unique struggle for the girl who chills with guys who is reminded every day that she’s sought after for every role except that of the woman that those boys love unconditionally and romantically. Worst of you are actively a piece that makes their love life puzzle complete.

Theory 3

Honestly, my guy friends are my constant source of comfort for me. Rolling up to an event with my boys means they always save a seat for me in the passenger’s seat. I don't own a car so yeah. It got me thinking though, maybe that's the reason why guys don't approach you because you’re always rolling to events in your boy’s front seat. Okay, look at it this way, you know how co-piloting is important right? Not only will it be far harder to be swept away by an asscrown tide but also the front seat gives you and people around the ability to work out where you’re at. What if that seat entails where you are at with a guy? Food for thought. Being always around the boys can actually end up being a turn-off for potential suitors. You are most definitely sending mixed signals. You'd think I don’t seem to have many issues hitting it up with guys but once they see the guys they feel intimidated and run. I remember when I asked this one guy to dance, he was so quick to say won’t I get in trouble. Like c'mon...