IN HER THOUGHTS

Do you ever speak to yourself? Have conversations with yourself in the mirror Yes, I mean the ISSA RAE on Insecure vibes I do a lot, of ... Things i never say out loud but constantly struggle with: I always feel like an impostor Uncertainty heightens my anxiety My insecurities makes me overthink I struggle with self validation My scope of potential is limited to people's validation It's not complaining it just has been suppressed for a little too long   So when i get an ear i offload all to feel the relief just for a day Until the cycle begins again Negative words are labelled bad. Don't speak too little of yourself they say. But how can you be good without confronting the bad. Isn't it just pretending? I recommend mirror conversations, talk to yourself. Be comfortable with your own company.

  To be loved and to love wholly, with no restraint nor self-deprivation. A place of saying what you mean, how you feel and how it makes you numb. We find ourselves agreeing to somethings out of pressure or rather in the name of being the bigger person. Letting go of what is constantly hurting you because of the fear of confrontation – a vicious cycle that unleashes a can of worms or Pandora's box.   That is where I draw the line, I will never be a cool girlfriend, relative or colleague either.   Been there, done that… I answered every whim, going above and beyond what I was asked for. I was a typical COOL go-to-person. The one that fed on claims of being mature. At that point what phased normal girls somehow did not strike a nerve. Or so I thought? Rather I had signed myself up to a prolonged excruciating death, leaving myself dead inside to an extent that my cup ran empty and there was not much to give anymore.   We don’t say this enough but being ...

Because i'm a black woman. The color of my skin is my curse, I carry it like a burden, A reason to be slut shamed in the streets, Or a man feeling entitled to this black body, A symbol of a price to be won. We traded hurt words and white supremacy curiosity, To be violated by our own, flesh and blood, The same, the same (sigh) blood cruises in our veins, Yet GBV is still on the rise, Young girls are being raped, sold to be a sex symbol for old arrogant dudes, old enough to be their fathers, It is a curse we carry, the melanin pigment that shines bright, We should be celebrating it, yet we lie low, Hide our daughters, h ere they come, Pain has become our birthright, bitter they call us but what do they expect, Every action has a reaction,  Sorry if we offend you but we are just being defensive to protect ourselves from this cold cold world.

"If Kim Kardashian can't escape this, then what chance do normal women have?" -Trevor Noah. One in three women worldwide has experienced some form of violence or harassment. Yesterday, a man touched my bum on a pavement in the heart of CBD! For the first time in years, I felt powerless. How can someone have that much entitlement over my body? The group walked away with a smack wide-grin-of-victory plastered on their faces.  I had two options, either confronting these men and probably getting assaulted or walking away. I walked away with disgust and resentment because it felt safer. "It's never their fault anyway, right. It is always how we dress, act or walk?" It is deeply disturbing that this pervasive behaviour against women is appropriated, it is somehow a "social norm". You cannot walk freely or interact online without your looks being judged, bullied or slut shamed. And when you react you are either "seeking attention or the angry black w...

If i say i don't miss you i would be lying I hear your voice in a crowd calling for me Sometimes i think you are lost waiting to be found With open arms stretched out to give you a warm embrace Truly when a prodigal son returns, a father rejoices So will I... For that little time you have been anchored into my soul It's unfortunate God had other plans, a nd you had none Only if you acted more than you talked Maybe you would be right here with me I do miss you, the way you knew when something was wrong Or the acts of service I swear that was your love language And i loved it too I miss the goofiness and the way i laughed with no restraint nor shame I loved how i was when i was around you I'm grateful you made me experience this one of kind of love Somewhat close to normal from this world filled with greed and competition to show each other who cares less So if say i don't miss you i would be lying to myself

I need more time in a day, I have so many ideas and aha moments, I recently bought a diary, i jot them down one by one, That way they can last a lifetime, Hopefully manifest in the near future and not be engulfed by dust mites. I need more time in a day, To make a mark, to prove my worth, to establish my relevance, So many plans, so many dreams, I hope i will not make my gravesite an expensive site of unrealised dreams of BEING; A mother A writer An entrepreneur An explorer A storyteller A lover And some dreams i haven't realised yet. I really wish had more time in a day.

A feeling so pure and fulfilling, I have been in love before We underrate finding a soul that compliments yours intentionally You are in sync, everything just flows It doesn't feel forced When you meet the vultures that are always looming around for their next prey Ready to pounce on your flesh and leave you unrecognisable You will understand the intensity of pure love I have been in love before, it is different kind of feeling

I believed her when she said she was leaving Being at the mercy of everyone is never a good sight Words from all directions, blowing you like a paper in the wind Spinning and spinning, sucking the sanity out of you Eventually you will lose it, and leaving is the only way out So when she cleared her desk and bid farewell I bet it felt like the Mandela walk from prison or when Desmond Tutu won a Nobel peace prize I saw a woman drawing her last strength I saw hope that i can also stand up for myself She has had enough of being mensplained, undervalued, disregarded and sidelined. Power to her So when she said i'm leaving i believed her. I saw a WIN

I’m not sure if I will ever post this one, but when I do know tables are going to be shaken. Probably a few blocked or why the hell did you do that. But well, here it goes. You got a girl messed up, why would you bring another lady though. Friend, sister of a friend or whatever in between, that isn’t right. There’s a code to these things, don’t make a girl look stupid or surprised. Yeah, I’m a sucker for surprises, but this right here, no man it’s not screwed on right. Rewind… I met this guy two weeks prior through a friend. Let’s call him John Doe, we were getting to know each other. Conversations on the phone and calls too (insert blush imoji). Everything was going well, pretty much it showed we were both interested in getting to know each other. It was a done deal, signed, sealed and delivered. If you ask me! Dreamy right? He brought my favourite chocolates and marshmallows when we first met. Girl I was like take me already. Haha kidding, in my mind though c'mon boy was paying...