Go-to Ideas To Spark Your Listening Skills!

Communication is an important element in any kind of relationship. Most people misunderstand the difference between talking and communicating. One of the most irritating behaviors millenniums have is being poor listeners. Why are they not listening? Is it because the advice is poor, they don’t regard what you are saying or they really want their opinion to be validated? If I’m, to be honest, we listen to respond, defend or blame rather than understand. 

In the words of Stephen Covey, “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply" As humans, we are emotional beings and it is those emotions that affect the way we communicate which leave things unsaid and unsolved. Nobody is perfect, and this extends to our communication skills. Sometimes you will think you are a good communicator without knowing you have defensive listening skills.

Take yourself back to that conversation that you had with your sibling, lover or colleague which went uphill. Did you listen to understand or you were too quick to prove a point, blame or validate your expectations. This is a toxic trait which has caused many relationships, business partnerships or friendships to come to an end. If you are one of these people or you have these traits, here are tips to a more effective communication:

• Resist the nudge to interrupt a person in a conversation, this affects the flow of the conversation. Listen carefully and then respond. Most of the time in our minds will be creating defensive words that we fail to respect what other people are saying. You will be acting from a place of defensiveness than facilitating a constructive and forward moving conversation.

• Consider other people’s feelings. Always think and filter your words, put yourself in their shoes. This doesn’t mean you have to be a yes man but show that you care about their opinion, feel for them and want to understand. There is always a better way to express yourself and emotions. Watch your emotions and be aware of how to express them progressively.

• Listen to understand rather than respond. There is nothing that is frustrating than talking about the same thing over and over again.  Be patient enough to listen consciously not to immediately jump in to your defense. Instead of progressively moving you talk about the same because you didn’t listen in the first place. When communicating give full attention to avoid bringing old resolved issues into a new conversation.

• Non-verbal cues are very important in communication. When communicating if your words are in misalignment with your body language it is discouraging. If you are having a conversation with a client and you are constantly looking at your watch, the misalignment will likely aggravate the client.

It is great to have a well thought out reply, but if you are contemplating what you want to say instead of hearing what the other person is saying, there is communication taking place. There will not be a meaningful interaction. Ask yourself, are you really listening, or just waiting for your chance to talk? Food for thought.