Let Him Feel!

It is Day 6 of the Afrobloggers winter writing challenge! Advocacy week, and we are doing a mental health series. Let’s go!

The societal ascriptions to manhood have made being a man quite scary. Men are told as boys that manhood is synonymous with strength, toughness, providing, etc.

 

Jabu men do not cry look in the mirror and man up! 

That is the reality of what society tells our men they have to be. Everyone expects a certain stoicism in them, a free will to repress emotions and act manly (whatever that means). 

If you grew up in an African home, you know that Dad is home was not a mere announcement but a warning. Life as a man means people expect too much from you. You are feared. The chronicles of a man with a stick, always ready to fight.

Picture this it was a good day, their favourite team won the Premier League and are in a good mood. But the moment they get home, they have to act in a certain way, speak in a stern voice to maintain a speculative reputation of masculinity.

Life as a man is walking around with labels on your back. If they share their opinions openly, they are mansplaining. If they are reluctant to express themselves, it is pride. Popular thinking suggests men are always at fault.

"A life of never being good enough."

The hostility to men having problems is palpable. We forget their humanity, men hurt and bleed too.

If I ever have a son, I want to openly tell him that, no matter what differences he shares with others, being a man is just gender and not a way of life.

I will tell every morning how handsome he is and that his emotions matter. 

I will teach him to speak up and communicate the right way. 

I will tell him caring or expressing yourself is not weak. 

I will teach him fists are not always the answer.

I will sit him down and talk to him about mental health.