IN HER THOUGHTS

📸photographers.official It's almost 7 AM but right now I don't really care. In fact, the clamour as boys rush to finish up and head to class is most irritating to me. My tummy grumbles. I don't recall when I last put something in it. For the past three days, my appetite has been shite. Yesterday I tried the fries Ian brought me but threw them up almost as soon as they landed in my tummy. "Hey man, you need to get out of bed," Ian says. "Class starts in a jiffy." "I'm not attending."  To be honest, the class is the last thing on my mind.  I'm thinking of the tiny blue pills the school doctor gave me for my condition. After which he recommended bed rest since they'd leave me feeling drowsy. Apparently, t here's nothing much wrong with me. And that I should simply sleep my trouble off.  "This will be the third day in a row." Ian has a worried look. "Don't you think you should go home instead?"  Ian seems to

📸the.photographers.official  Every day you wake up, open yourself to the world or keep to yourself you're bound to feel some type of way. It may be positive or negative, meaning it's a stimulus to what you expose yourself prompting automatic reactive behaviour. This is an essential survival need, our coping mechanism differ from one person to another. Ever feel like a victim in nearly every situation? You might be part of the people we're talking about today. Linking back to my last series I Forgot How To Feel there's a flip side where people feel  but negatively. Allow me to take you to an Instagram post, "What if mental health disorders are actually unresolved emotional trauma in disguise." It got me thinking that there are so many contributing factors that make us and the way we regulate emotions. In this case having a victim mentality.  If you're susceptible to chaos or see yourself as a victim in many situations, you're drawn into

📸the.photographers.official  Love is a beautiful thing. Is it a state of being or a feeling? When people say they have fallen out of love, does it mean it fades away? Or maybe it's a state of being that stays inside of us, that needs to be fed, nurtured and realized it lives within us? Excuse me and my crazy thoughts, it's a mixture of insomnia and other times I swear it feels like I've been stung by a tsetse fly which makes me drowsy and my bed is my escape, for hours a temporary relief. So when you say "I love you" to your partner, friend or family what does it entail. I've seen videos that align love with words like sacrifice, compassion, respect, patience, kind, selfless etc. You know the rest. Then I thought maybe it's something that's a work in progress and it takes you and me to cultivate it. Teamwork makes the dream work! And for sure after labouring it bears good harvest, so love is fruits of your labour. It's not all rose

📸the.photographers.official  A quick recap, we talked about how we block our emotions . It seems like a superpower when you do it and we’ve said statements like ‘I don’t have time to feel’ or ‘I’m protecting my heart’. But if we're being honest it's a temporary fix, one way or the other you’ll need to address your emotions for the sake of your health. We also pointed out the traits that people with repressed emotions inhibit and their potential causes. So now you’re in too deep, how do you save yourself from yourself?  Source: Healthline Before we get into it, it’s not going to be easy I tell you but it will take practice, like a lot. It’s harder to break habits than making them. Habits are the small decisions we make every day and the actions we perform every day. Our lives are essentially a sum of our habits and what we continuously do. How you push away emotions? How guided you are? How it’s difficult for you to be loving or affectionate? What you spend your

📸the.photographers.official Not everyone finds expressing themselves easy. In many cases, people block / repress their emotions, by unconsciously avoiding them. I’m that person, expressing myself just doesn’t natural to me. Let’s say I have a fall out with anyone but I still have other responsibilities, I usually decide to suppress or push aside the feelings and act like nothing happened. Toxic much? Yes, the thing is that it doesn’t mean the feelings simply disappear but sooner rather than later they’ll need to be addressed. I was researching and I might have to find the answer, repressed emotions can eventually affect your mood. The reason might be prolonged emotions are eventually affecting your mood. For me sometimes I vacillate between two emotions. I feel trapped in a conflicting emotional state, I can be eager and excited to write, while at the same time harbouring fears about not being able to complete it successfully. So every time I hit the publish button I would

📸the.photographers.official When I think of sunset and sunrise, the word “begin” comes to my mind. They allow everyone get in touch with themselves, night owl or early riser, the moment where the sun meets the horizon signifies a beginning: for a new day, new ideas, new beginnings, new perspective or put anything that pops up when you think of sunset or sunrise. Some days I’m an early riser, the cool breeze whispers positivity into my ears and the glow of the sun defines my melanin and the lines on my cheekbones.  But there’re days, I dwell on situations for reflections filled with questions. What lessons should I walk away with, for future’s sake I would tell myself? If I’m being honest I’m more active during the night by choice and during the day by design. Sunrise or Sunset? What would you choose? Honestly, it’s a hard choice. Yes? No? Probably I’m a sucker for nature, Or what they signify in their depths But they’re both a beginning for me

📸 Joecalih If you had asked the teenage me if I would ever walk away if there’s the slightest chance of failure and rejection in everything. I would have said a Hell No , I wouldn’t even try to make sense of it but do my best. I always lived on a philosophy of NEVER GIVE UP, PLAY YOUR PART AND GIVE YOUR BEST WHILST AT IT. Not bad right? But I didn’t lay out a mind map on the pros and cons, most importantly when is the right time to walk away and go invest somewhere else? Well, a few heartbreaks, failed projects and waste of my time later. It is good to know when to pack your bags and walk! If walls could talk, I wonder how they would respond to me when I subconsciously respond out loud to texts. I bet they've heard most people’s honest intentions, thoughts and responses before they’re watered down by ‘ haha's ’ and emojis. As if it was a sign I came across a tweet which read, “My toxic trait is feeling unwanted and removing myself first so I never feel rejected

📸photographers_worldwide I lay here deep in my thoughts, one thought clings at the edge of my mind and I just can't seem to shush it away; Delve in deeper it called, it seemed too vivid as I stepped in what seemed like a brain bingo game; The winning word was DEJAVU , I shouted with much enthusiasm BINGO; Now I had won, it was time to dissect and explore; Suddenly it fed into a monologue... Left Brain: It's crazy how we are unique in our similarity. Some are poor, some are rich. Right Brain: Some are realist, some are creative. Both: Surrounded by things that make us better and things that make us hurt. A moment of bliss when all come to sync  (fading voice) A rare moment we yearn...  Heart and head, logic and emotions, love and hate. You can't control how people receive your energy. Just because you're breaking your back, cracking your head or pouring your heart; you can't control how people receive your energy. Of course, you will

📸the.photographer.official Have you ever met people who are just not truthful? From the smallest things, like what’s your plan really? Even the simplest question like, what do you do for fun? I don’t know whether it’s the need to impress or insecurity that my answer won’t measure up to the next person’s expectations? At first, it gave me chills, not the warm fuzzy goosebumps but the cringe that literally gives one an upset stomach. I was filled with so many questions, still is, and the reason why I’m writing about it. My mind screams, my face frowns and my whole being escapes me, I can’t handle hearing people deprive themselves of their true self. What for? Is it really worth it? Many things are avoidable. Literally everything, everyone has a privilege of choice. This is what it’s like every time everyone chose to lie and not be straight up. This is what it’s like living with lies on your tongue, it’s a choice. It all comes down to choice or it's the demons one is battling with

📸prettisusu It’s been a minute, last time we discussed about how it’s important to know where your partner stands in terms of them being aware of their mental stability. I reckon it’s a must, it saves a lot of surprises and frustrations because you know who you dealing with. If you haven’t read the article click here , so we are on the same page. I have in a fair share of relationships and it has been a hard journey of knowing how to show up for my partner/friends/family in ways they need me to vs ways I’m comfortable with. It was so easy for me to commit to a routine that was came easy to me like responding fast or make them laugh but I realized sometimes a person just wants you to listen or give them full attention, to feel your presence with no distractions. Hence, this article, please show up for people in your life in ways they need. So what am I saying? Let me explain. Just show up and pay attention to what your partner actually needs. Don’t assume, don’t generalize we are all u

I have noticed something about my working relations and preferences. As much as I love a job or it pays well, if there are no boundaries or explicit rules I tend to lose interest. I go from a 100 to 0 real quick.  Like it or not, human beings in general need some form of stern hand to maintain boundaries or yet alone to avoid people from being too comfortable. Without rules the world would be chaotic, rules simply create order out of chaos. Ever asked yourself why we have so many rules? In fact why do we have to follow any rules at all? Imagine a world where you can do whatever you want and whenever you want. Although you might be free and the absence of rules sounds thrilling, it’s a beautiful canvas of chaos. I was reading an article, this analogy confirmed my thoughts, “When you drive, you’ll realize how many rules apply to the act of operating a vehicle. You can’t go as fast, park as want or just change lanes.” Imagine if everyone on the road drove like the mushika mushika  (taxi

It’s going to sound funny but having a moment to sob around, lick your wounds and break down into ourselves is a privilege. A moment where everything just freezes, and the only motion is your emotions, feeling it through and taking a time to breathe. YES, they say “remember to take care of yourself, you can’t pour from an empty cup” but what if that moment of feeling your feelings is detrimental to your livelihood? What if taking a break isn’t a choice? Battles have to fight, and that moment of losing track can land your face on the ground when life knocks you out. I grew up and was born of a strong woman, never did I see her complain nor give up. Everyone has people you think they have all things worked out, but maybe just maybe they don’t have the privilege to crumble at the face of everything life throws at them. The one who is supposed to work hard, a generation in their fist. There’s no time to slow down or to perfectly put it there’s time to show tears or break down.

I h ave always been a pen and paper person, even when I know I’m going to type it out later. Usually, there won’t be any logical cohesion, but just a layout of ideas in their rawest form. For quite some time it seemed like the silliest brilliant key to a clearer mind, coming up with better ideas and less pressure to produce fine art from rough ideas. It can be anytime and anywhere, if something crazy and unique comes to mind I just jot it down. It can just a simple word, a phrase or an unpopular opinion. And I’m glad to say it’s from these abstracts that some of my best work budded from. When I heard of morning pages by Julia Cameroon, I was hooked by the idea of writing three pages in the morning. From writing just a heading or a phrase three pages was quite a stretch but it was worth a try! This why I think you should try it too! It’s not like everyone have much to do anyway. No shade. Lemme explain! Being at home 24/7 isn't something you get used to easily after years of

Falling deeper and deeper into myself. With only a few keys on the keyboard to embrace my sorrow. To soothe my pain and wipe away these tears. At least they listen. Oh well, I would like to think so. I hope you don't walk out on me as well, for you have become my confession box. You know a little too much, my vulnerable parts and all this pain that keep me captive. So No! You are not going anywhere, You are stuck with this dark soul So turn up your brightest,  reduce your volume because I need all of your attention I need your emojis to hide this sadness. I need your games to escape this constant  knife that is piercing through my flesh I need You, I really you, My temporary escape. If I haven't told you yet in our countless words penned I appreciate you. I guess if you could talk back you would tell me to open up. But that's my biggest fear, what if you judge me? What if you walk away like they did? What if you turn deaf on me? The thought

We're currently living through what seems to feel like the "new normal" and uncertainty is all around us. It’s a crippling feeling not to have some control over what’s happening around you. With this outrageous pandemic upon us, the least you would want is SECURITY but life novels a different story. Not knowing what to do, not knowing what’s going to happen, not knowing how you going to pay rent, not knowing if you are going to have a job when this blows over, not knowing what people are thinking, planning or feeling; these situations are ripe to breed anxiety. Because it’s often, not-knowing that’s the worst. Crowded with fear and worry, anxiety causes our body to over-respond with defense mechanisms as the body feels like it’s under threat.   Anxiety is explained as an intense, excessive and persistent worry and fear about everyday situations. Amidst everything that’s going on, it’s very easy to be overwhelmed with anxiety. From not knowing what outcome the

Why am I letting myself sink as if I can't see everything around me? Why is the ground just swallowing me up? Did I choose this or I've fallen into another one of misery's traps ? Someone, please tell me why am I blind to myself? I'm staring at the mirror and a stranger is staring back.  I have a name but what's in a name? Is it that I've forgotten who I truly am? What's bringing about this amnesia? Are these too many questions for a man slowly sinking? Are they any answers for one who's lost in himself? I'm knocking on my thoughts and I don't hear anybody home. There's an emptiness that feels like a grave waiting for my soul. How do I teach myself the art of understanding pain? How is it that my wounds are now scars but they still hurt? How is it that I think the world is horrible but I hate myself ? How is it that I don't know why I'm even asking these questions?